© 2021 Lyn E. Ayre

A woman ashamed and crying, questioning her own mind and motivation.

I’ve seen so many movies, shows, and websites about bullying that I wanted to put my own thoughts down about it. 

It’s time to explain what a bully is. Disagreements happen between people all the time; young and older alike. People scold, yell, and fight daily. Then we agree to disagree and move on. We can have future conversations with this person, and civil conversations. This seems to be normal behaviour as we each vie for our position in society. This is not bullying. 

Bullying happens when one person sees another as vulnerable and decides (either consciously or subconsciously) to make an example of that person. 

Let’s define a bully. The dictionary has some fine examples of adjectives to use for such a person: blustering, browbeating, and cruel.

1. One who blusters: 

a. a person who feels indignant and who is easily offended 

b. who feels entitled to respect at all times 

c. who speaks loudly, speaks over someone, one who does not allow the other person to speak in turn

d. to intimidate by bluster 

2. One who browbeats: 

a. to intimidate by overbearing looks or words

b. who doesn’t listen to the other person 

c. to beat down someone with words 

d. to play retaliation games

3. One who is cruel: 

a. wilfully causing pain and suffering to another 

b. a tyrant who reigns through intimidation. A ‘My way or the highway’ person.

c. someone who feels no forgiveness or leniency, ‘everyone gets the same life sentence for everything’.

d. someone who gossips in an attempt to tear down another person

A hopeless man who’s just been emotionally pummeled by another person.

These people go after someone who is vulnerable, who may have suffered a loss, who has low self-esteem, and who are in a weakened position with health issues or life issues. They always leave you wondering what the heck just happened. Did that really just happen? What did I do to cause the other person to do that to me? Just as in any other assault, we blame ourselves.

A bully can also leave another person in silence, ignore you, and judge you. 

Bullies pick on the weak, or on someone who is different from them, so they can dominate them. They feel righteous in their behaviour. They may brag and gossip about it.

A child who hides in the park and won’t go to school.

I feel so bad for these poor kids who are terrified to go to school each day for fear of the bully. When I went to school, it was my safe haven. It was where I learned how to read. I found out about books, the library, and teachers. 

That changed for me, too. I attempted to deal with the things that were happening to me by emotional eating. As my waist size increased, so did the bullying. I’ve been bullied for my economic standing, beaten for the colour of my skin, for my body size, and for being so different from other people. Most recently, I was bullied for my health situation.

The frustration levels for parents and teachers are high these days. But we all must work within the system we have right now and come to a peaceful place within that.

Peace has never been won through fighting. Peace can only be attained through peacefulness. The only way I have found to deal with a bully is to not engage. Don’t take the bait or the blame.

I wish you peace.

Love Lyn

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