Nurturing Our Inner Child

(C) July 15, 2019 Lyn E. Ayre

– a way to heal some issues at their first cause 

by Lyn E. Ayre © 2019 

When we weed, we do our best to get out the whole root, hairs and all. Bringing out that whole root takes a bit of a knack. We dig around the weed, keeping a 4” distance from it. We take our tool straight down 8-10”. Then we firmly and slowly pull straight up, making little circles as we go. We are careful not leave any hairs behind as they will produce a new weed. In other words, we get it all out, so we can get to the root of the problem.

The same goes for our deep hurts. If we don’t pull out the whole thing, there’s a huge chance it will continue to fester. We want to heal completely.

I was Made Whole, and at the beginning of my life, I was innocent, creative, and natural. Then life happened, as it does to us all. My egg got cracked.

The first crack was constructed when I was three, and I was wrongly accused of pushing my sister down the stairs. Dad spanked me. I cried and ran to my room. On the way, my reflection in the long mirror caught my attention. I was ugly, with tear stains, messy hair, and a horribly contorted face. I swore, at the age of three, to never cry again. That lasted for six years until a school chum died from an exploded appendix. Then the dam burst, and there was never any going back after that point. Now I cry, as needed.

The second crack happened when my grandfather, whom I had adored, and who taught me how to play the piano, also taught me the ways of the world. He was a pedophile.

The list goes on, and I write all about my life, and subsequent spiritual recovery, in my book, “Fragments of a Shattered Soul Made Whole”.

I was never what could be considered ‘pretty’, and the glasses sure didn’t help. I’ve worn them since I was eighteen months old. My hair hung in natural ringlets, which I absolutely loved. I thought this was the best part of me. I was always a bit on the chubby side, and mercilessly teased for that. Today, when I look at a child who is similarly constructed, my heart melts. I hope he/she has a beautiful life that is full of love and support.

I learned about inner child work when I was thirty-one through a counsellor I was seeing. This is a meditation that I have done regularly, ‘There lives within me a little girl named, Lynnie. She is six years old; wears glasses, which she hates, and has auburn ringlets, which she loves. She has started school, and is scared and excited all at the same time. I ask her to come and sit on my lap. Through my heart, I give her my undivided attention, and all the love and affection she can take in. I give her peace. I ask her to be a part of me. I tell her that I value her. I recognize what an important role she has played in my life. She survived all of these heart-wrenching incidents in her own way, so I tell her I am grateful for that.’ I am healing the child within me.

There are other things we can do to begin to effect a healing of our inner child:

a) Do you remember a song from your childhood? Did it make you feel happy, contented, and connected? Write down anything at all that you can remember. Record the tune on your phone or other device. Ask your siblings if they remember anything about it. Look it up on the internet, if possible. Once you get it into your head again, sing or hum it regularly. See if it helps to shift your energy. For auditory folks, this exercise works well.

b) Do you remember a favourite story from your childhood? Mine was Peter Rabbit. I found a set of eight little books, with the story and stickers, at a garage sale. It felt like I’d discovered sacred treasure. If you are unable to find yours, perhaps the library has it. If not, follow the steps in ‘a’ to see if you can unearth it. Read the story aloud to yourself. How did you feel during and afterwards? For visual learners, seeing your childhood picture books will help your inner child a lot. 

c) Do you remember a game from your childhood? I remember quite a few – jacks, puzzles, hula hoop, jumping rope, hopscotch, slinky, yo-yo, and solitaire. What are some that you remember? Are you up for a trip to the dollar store to purchase a few? For people who are kinesthetic, muscle memory is a great way to connect to your inner child. 

d) Do you remember teacher from your childhood? Miss Grimmer was my grade four teacher. She was wonderful, sensitive, and a great teacher. I learned a lot in her class. Mr. Sam Rodden was my Creative Writing teacher throughout high school. He supported me through his encouragement to keep going with my writing.

Write a few paragraphs about how your special relationship with a teacher helped you. Get out your yearbook, or do some online research of the teachers and students who were at your high school when you were. Perhaps it wasn’t a teacher. It could have been an older student who helped you, or a coach, or the parent of another student. Remember a time when there was someone there for you. 

Kinesthetic learners might get a lot out of writing a letter to the child they were and giving them hope and encouragement. We can have great gratitude to our inner child.

People whose mode of learning is visual or auditory may get something out of watching a favourite movie from that era. Add in the popcorn and red Twizzlers, and you can make a day of it.

Getting in touch with our inner child doesn’t have to be traumatic. Yes, we want to effect a change if there are things back there we’d rather never think about again. But it doesn’t have to be all grim. Have some fun with it. Doodle, draw, move the pen around the page.

Write in your journal. Are other memories coming up? They might be called ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but the truth is, they are just memories, which cannot hurt you today. These things that trouble you are not happening to you today. They are only left over fragments in your mind.

This is a journey of compassion for the person you were, and the events you survived. You did a great job, because you are still here, and hopeful. You are continuing to work towards becoming the person you want to be today. 

With everything written down, it might be time to share with a trusted friend or adviser. Choose someone you trust, who will give you what you need. Record your results in your journal so you can see how far you’ve come.

The benefits: 

1. We become more loving adults who can now nurture themselves and others. 

2. Our self-talk will change, as we lovingly say, “You’re just tired, Lynnie. Go have a nap and you’ll feel better.” “You’re probably hungry. Have a piece of fruit.” “Maybe give someone a call and talk it out.” These are much better messages than what some of us heard in childhood and carried through into adulthood. 

3. We can support ourselves by: 

• choosing to be around positive people
• making better food and/or beverage choices
• going to bed earlier
• putting a limit on the number of hours we work in a day
• developing personal boundaries, and carving out our own space
• speaking up for ourselves when we’re verbally attacked 
• learning to simply say ‘no’

We are not children anymore, but that part of ourselves needs to be incorporated, consulted, and respected. No need to shun our inner child ever again. We can appreciate this part of ourselves and learn the lessons just waiting to be taught.

Now in the Light, we can rest assured that we are becoming Made Whole once again.

Love Lyn